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We've been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered several challenges, and I respect her for that. However, she has been often taken by surprise by others. Her partner left her, which came as a massive blow. Many of her friends vanished during that time, because they seemed drawn to him. It shocked her deeply. She put in more effort to be my friend, probably grasped more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, and she left not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both retired and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I open discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds unyielding views. My effort is to propose factchecking and different perspectives.

She's been organizing a holiday to a country I know well on several occasions even called home for some time. My intention was to share personal experiences, but this was not welcomed. She essentially solely sought me to confirm her plans. I've just returned from 30 days in that place she hopes to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she can understand the impact of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in distancing myself. What should I do?

Ways Forward

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is seldom the easy answer we hope for. However, addressing it with the goal of a solution demands strength and openness from both people.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible like an unbiased account. The second is to tell the way it affects you emotionally. There should be no argument about this. Emotions are your feelings, of course. Step three involves requesting how the two of you going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, so you need to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably effective to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

She could ignore your concerns, as some people hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a story about themselves they're unable to release because their very survival is tied to it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. But she may start out defensively then consider your perspective. And should you never reach an agreement, it provides satisfaction from having been open and direct.